Have you ever said yes to something without thinking and then regretted it?
We all do it don’t we, have you ever:
1) Said yes to meeting someone for lunch or said yes to a party invite when you really didn’t want to go?
2) Agreed to take on more work at your workplace when you didn’t have the time to take on any more work?
3) Said yes to something and then later felt so bad about it that you ended up lying your way out of it?
4) Said yes because you have felt obliged to or felt sorry for somebody who needed you?
The problem with this is it can leave you feeling stressed, anxious and tired.
Why do we automatically say yes?
Sometimes when we say no it can make us feel selfish and we can worry that people will think we are a bad person. We also say yes because we want to please people.
There has to be some balance, we have to take care of our own needs as well for instance, if we feel like having an early night or going to the gym then we must make sure our own needs our met.
Looking after ourselves doesn’t make us selfish or a bad person.
So what does selfish actually mean?
Selfish means – Lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
Self care means – The actions that individuals take for themselves, on behalf of and with others in order to develop, protect, maintain and improve their health, wellbeing or wellness.
These two are not the same, we all need self care as part of our healthy living, we must look after ourselves so we are able to deal with the demands of our daily lives. It’s okay to make yourself and your mental health a priority.
Self care is NOT selfish.
What could you do differently?
It’s about balancing your needs and other peoples needs and making sure that you are not helping others to your own detriment. Maybe you can practice saying no to the small things, here are some examples of how to say no:
I am sorry I don’t have the time right now.
I would have loved to do that but unfortunately…….
None of those dates work for me but please send me some more dates for the future.
I am sorry but I am unable to help you at this time.
I appreciate you asking me but I am unable to.
Thank you so much for the invite but my daughter has got a netball match that day and I wouldn’t miss that.
We must look after ourselves more, we need to put ourselves higher up our list of people we care for. If we are able to do this we should be able to make a choice without feeling selfish and know its okay to ask for time to ourselves. We deserve to give ourselves the same love and kindness that we are giving to other people. If we are able to change the way we think about ourselves we would no longer need to put others first to make ourselves feel good. We would then be able to prioritise our own needs better.
If this resonates with you or if you have any other issues you would like to speak to me about, please feel free to give me a call in total confidence on: 07958 365730 or you can browse my website by clicking http://www.melaniesanderstherapy.co.uk